Car Wreck

Getty

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Thank goodness for Marion Bartoli. She actually gave us a big event final to watch in the Californian desert two weeks ago tomorrow against the reigning World No. 1. I found myself wishing the Indian Wells runner up was on the court across the net from Victoria Azarenka in today's championship match in Miami. Instead, I chose to put up with Maria Sharapova spraying balls like a garden hose in a drought. I didn't have to, mind you. But the match had the lure of a car wreck. I simply couldn't look away.

The WTA has to (well, maybe it doesn't have to, but the hero campaign is banal and outdated) update its marketing campaigns for the remainder of 2011 against the backdrop of this fact: The runner up at the calendar's "fifth Slam" held her serve exactly once in a 6-1, 6-4 drubbing at the hands of a player who's never even contested a Slam semifinal, neither of whom participated in what might have been the most dramatic women's match of the tournament, which wasn't televised anywhere on the planet.

I'm going to say that again: The runner up at the calendar's "fifth Slam" held her serve exactly once in a 6-1, 6-4 drubbing at the hands of a player who's never even contested a Slam semifinal, neither of whom participated in what might have been the most dramatic women's match of the tournament, which wasn't televised anywhere on the planet.

That's all.