Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Australian Open 2010 Women's Final Open Thread
Highlights from Miami 2008, their last match.
My preview is here. Mad's preview, here. Put our predictions together, I'd say Serena Williams in straight sets or flip a coin if it goes the distance.
What say you?
Quote For The Day II
Reuters
Marion Bartoli of France wipes her face during her match against China's Zheng Jie at the Australian Open tennis tournament in Melbourne January 22, 2010. Zheng won 5-7, 6-3, 6-0.
::
"I am number 11 and I have no sponsors. I buy all my sport clothes. As 11th in the world I go and buy my clothes myself. Sometimes when I am in Switzerland where I live people are surprised to cross me in the stores and see me buying my sport clothes myself! This is sponsor’s strategy, they give out 15 million dollars sponsoring on [Maria] Sharapova who lost by the way in Wimbledon against [Gisela] Dulko, in US Open against [Melanie] Oudin and in [Australian Open] against [Maria] Kirilenko. But this is not my business. I don't think I am going to buy the wedding dress of Sharapova because I have enough personality to wear what she wears, and to shout less than she does!"--Marion Bartoli
Overheard
Jason Goodall [from the commentary booth]: Mirka must be a little concerned. [She was texting and not looking at all concerned about hubby being down a set and a break to Nikolay Davydenko in the Qatar Open semis.] She's got her lucky Chanel bag there [a big old pink thing sitting on her lap]. Maybe she ought to rub it a little bit.
Is Roger Federer Human?
New York Times op-ed columnist Roger Cohen wants a blood sample.
Sort of.
You see, Raja is being written about in every which way. We've been talking a lot about his costumes. His personality. That's because he and Nike want us to talk about his costumes and personality. Otherwise, he wouldn't wear the buffoon's outfits Nike creates for him.
Speaking of his costumes:
Some find what they see sickening. Others insist it's all about the tennis. That discussions of skin and ornaments are petty and irrelevant.
Doesn't a man's personality inform his tennis? I can't talk about Raja's passive aggressive approach to tennis without talking about his personality.
Much a I'd prefer not to admit it in public, the shot that actually won Raja his sixth was that winning half-volley backhand flick crosscourt at 6-2 in the second-set tiebreak when he appeared to be wrong-footed and completely out of the point.
Nope. He stopped on a blade, displayed a hand-eye coordination more convincing in cartoon characters, and struck a flamboyant, flashy, stunning shot that some are wont to call nasty and sick. Without batting an eye. His opponent, lingering too long on such flamboyance and nausea, surrendered the next five points and Raja won a set a man with blood coursing trough his veins had no business winning.
The rest is history.
Cohen is not a sports writer. As I said before, Raja transcends tennis. He has his trophy back. His ranking back. The unapologetic self-adoration. It's almost like nothing has changed. Like Emperor Nadal, recovering from injury, didn't actually, temporarily, knock the Last King of Switzerland off his throne.
The Matrix theory.
Raja's not only being compared to other great athletes in other sports such as Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan, he's also being compared to a hero in a film that became a global phenomenon. To say nothing of our "lurkers", descending like wasps on maple syrup whenever Raja wins something and isn't properly praised, who've compared him to Michael Jackson and President Obama
Like him or not, Raja's a marvel. He's ruled by the sun. That giant star humans have worshiped throughout history. But when the sun's too hot, too intense, we wish it falls cover to a shelf of clouds.
After all, the sun can make us sick.
Perhaps if we (over) expose him, then maybe, just maybe, we'll stop looking at him so hard and he'll be compelled to return to the humbler champion his fanatics long to see, whether they admit it in public or not.
Sort of.
Is Roger Federer part of a Matrix-like artificial reality or is he flesh and blood?
During the final, I couldn’t help focusing on three things. The first was the button on Federer’s Nike shirt. Through more than four hours of punishing tennis, sun-baked by British standards, it remained buttoned up. I mean, come on!
(...)
The second was the absence from Federer’s face of even a bead of sweat as droplets poured from Roddick’s forehead and slid from the underside of his endlessly adjusted cap — further evidence for The Matrix theory.
The third was the fact that Federer wore a belt — a belt — in his stylish shorts, as if he was ambling through a Calvin Klein ad rather than serving 50 nonchalant aces and putting on a record-breaking athletic display.
(...)
So is Federer real, or is he in fact the computer-simulated perfect tennis player, a science fiction hero, his body heat drawn invisibly into energy creation, switching from slice to topspin backhand on the basis of some nerd’s formula no opponent can grasp or grapple with for long?
(...)
Perhaps I’m over-suspicious, or undergoing a severe case of obsessive envy, but when Vavrinec gives birth in the next few weeks, I’d say there’s a case for the Association of Tennis Professionals ordering a quick examination of what flows in the baby’s veins.
And then of course, as a last resort, we can ask the masterful, charming and irresistible Federer to take the red pill and reveal all to the human world
You see, Raja is being written about in every which way. We've been talking a lot about his costumes. His personality. That's because he and Nike want us to talk about his costumes and personality. Otherwise, he wouldn't wear the buffoon's outfits Nike creates for him.
Speaking of his costumes:
Some find what they see sickening. Others insist it's all about the tennis. That discussions of skin and ornaments are petty and irrelevant.
Doesn't a man's personality inform his tennis? I can't talk about Raja's passive aggressive approach to tennis without talking about his personality.
Much a I'd prefer not to admit it in public, the shot that actually won Raja his sixth was that winning half-volley backhand flick crosscourt at 6-2 in the second-set tiebreak when he appeared to be wrong-footed and completely out of the point.
Nope. He stopped on a blade, displayed a hand-eye coordination more convincing in cartoon characters, and struck a flamboyant, flashy, stunning shot that some are wont to call nasty and sick. Without batting an eye. His opponent, lingering too long on such flamboyance and nausea, surrendered the next five points and Raja won a set a man with blood coursing trough his veins had no business winning.
The rest is history.
Cohen is not a sports writer. As I said before, Raja transcends tennis. He has his trophy back. His ranking back. The unapologetic self-adoration. It's almost like nothing has changed. Like Emperor Nadal, recovering from injury, didn't actually, temporarily, knock the Last King of Switzerland off his throne.
The Matrix theory.
Raja's not only being compared to other great athletes in other sports such as Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan, he's also being compared to a hero in a film that became a global phenomenon. To say nothing of our "lurkers", descending like wasps on maple syrup whenever Raja wins something and isn't properly praised, who've compared him to Michael Jackson and President Obama
Like him or not, Raja's a marvel. He's ruled by the sun. That giant star humans have worshiped throughout history. But when the sun's too hot, too intense, we wish it falls cover to a shelf of clouds.
After all, the sun can make us sick.
Perhaps if we (over) expose him, then maybe, just maybe, we'll stop looking at him so hard and he'll be compelled to return to the humbler champion his fanatics long to see, whether they admit it in public or not.
Quote For The Day
"I didn't even know they played tennis here after the first couple days."--Andy Roddick, Tennis Channel studio interview with Mary Carillo
Quote For The Day
"Fourth Quarter: Roger Federer may not have it easy to start. He could get Igor Andreev, who had him on the ropes at the U.S. Open last year, in his opener, and then perhaps James Blake, who made an unexpected surge last week in reaching the Estoril final. On the other side are Roddick, Haas, Gulbis, and Davydenko. Why do I like Roddick’s chances, despite the fact that he’s coming off his honeymoon? He’ll already have nothing to lose on clay; now he’ll have even less than nothing. And despite most evidence to the contrary, he isn’t that bad on this stuff. Semifinalist: Roddick"--Steve Tignor
Today, if Roddick gets past Tommy Haas, who has made Andy is pigeon on clay, I'll be shocked. And while I don't think Andy is terrible on clay (he's been to the semifinals in Rome twice and won several titles on red clay, including one in Austria over Davydenko back in 2003), I still consider this prediction humor.
Today, if Roddick gets past Tommy Haas, who has made Andy is pigeon on clay, I'll be shocked. And while I don't think Andy is terrible on clay (he's been to the semifinals in Rome twice and won several titles on red clay, including one in Austria over Davydenko back in 2003), I still consider this prediction humor.
Order In The Court!
I couldn't help but laugh. Gotta keep those bottles upright and in their proper place.
Working The Serve
A reader sent me this:
WEST PALM BEACH, FL — During a practice match at the Riviera Golf and Tennis Club with his wife, Gail, Tuesday, 54-year-old Steve Cohen, the world's official 467,357th-ranked tennis player, attempted to teach himself how to serve overhand. "I can do backhands and forehands sometimes, but when it comes to serving, I just get more rallies going if I bounce it and hit it instead of trying to be fancy," said the professional tennis player, who has acquired .000000003 ATP points so far this year. "But I have to learn at some point. It's probably the only way I'll have any chance this weekend against [462,724th-ranked] Roy [Detmer]." Both Detmer and Cohen are slated to represent the United States in the Davis Cup this July.
Face Of The Day
Venus Williams poses for her sister's Blackberry before doing the real thing for Marie Claire magazine.
Overheard On ESPN
Bud Collins (in the studio): Andy [Roddick] has had more coaches than Elizabeth Taylor has had husbands.
Chris Fowler (in the studio, different segment): The service yips are like herpes, you never get rid of them.
Chris Fowler (in the studio, different segment): The service yips are like herpes, you never get rid of them.
Overheard on ESPN
Pam Shriver: Sitting in the photographer's pit and I can tell you after a long day in the hot sun, it's more like an armpit down here.
Overheard On ESPN
Brad Gilbert: Serena plays great in the odd years.
Bud Collins: And oddly in the others.
Bud Collins: And oddly in the others.
Text Message Dump
How would you feel if your fiancee dumped you via text message? Ask Boris Becker. He says his soul is trampled. Oh, well. He does like kind of pitiful, no?Boris, Boris, Boris. Never one to be without a trophy on his arm, he'll find a new love around the poker table post haste.
‘Please, Sir. May I Have Some More?’
(AFP/Getty Images)
I couldn't resist. And from the looks on both their faces, one doesn't know whose asking the question, do one?
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